Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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