I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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