She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ttyl tear gas
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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