i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
