my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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