He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
