so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
