Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
