I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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