I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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