five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
