I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
