So drunk its hurt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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