"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
