I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He shit in the fireplace
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
