my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How external is "for external use only"?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The uberlube is also flammable
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
