Already got asked if we're dating
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
