He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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