I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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