I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
