Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
