is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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