Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
