i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
