I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
