well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
