Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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