You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
