@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
