Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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