Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
