Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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