he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
