I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
