she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
