Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
