An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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