Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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