Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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