turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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