I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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