Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
