im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
