Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
