So drunk its hurt
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
