new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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