If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
