I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
