Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
