Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
