You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
