We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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