Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
