he looks like a really good dad on facebook
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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